[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
Oh yeah!
♪ Who do you call When you want some pepperoni?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
Right on!
♪ They're sniffing out crime and You know that ain't baloney♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche He's the leader of the bunch♪
♪ A heck of a fighter Makes a heck of a lunch♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid♪
♪ Of going into battle When the bad guys invade♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovy A wild romantic rover♪
♪ This cat gets knocked down With a love hangover♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats♪
They're so bad!
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese♪
♪ They're stronger than dirt♪
♪ Stronger than dirt♪
♪ If you step on their tails♪
Not on my tail!
♪ Then you're gonna get hurt♪
Don't hurt me!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
They're fighting crime...
♪ All over town!♪ [explosion]
Three, two, one!
♪ Pizza Cats are on the run♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain, who's lower than low♪
♪ It's a rotten shame he lives in Little Tokyo♪
♪ We've got our nasty Bad Bird and some nasty Ninja Crows♪
♪ As soon as someone finds the script♪
♪ We might begin the show♪
♪ Sit right back, kick up your feet♪
♪ And turn the sound up high♪
♪ And if you want the full effect♪
♪ Go eat a pizza pie!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪ [narrator laughing]
[splash]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪ [narrator laughing]
[narrator] Things are so boring back on earth
we're starting this episode in space.
And wouldn't you know it?
Just when you were going to flip off the set
and go back to your homework
here comes trouble!
You know what I like about lying on the roof?
It's so quiet and peaceful.
Apparently, you weren't listening to the narrator.
Yeah, I was. He said to flip into outer space
before your homework gets you in trouble.
Your inner space needs some adjustment.
-No problem, I'll just, huh? -I figured you'd--
Wait a minute. Did you just insult me?
No.
You know better than that.
[squeals] [impact]
What in the world-- [grunts]
[impact] Caught ya!
You know you're supposed to be doing your chores.
But I got a note from our doctor.
He's telling the truth. I helped him write it.
[mysterious sound] [grunting]
[ray weapon fires] [explosion]
[screams]
[rumbling] [explosion]
[crash] [grunt]
I asked you to clean the roof, not destroy it.
Let me see. Twelve times five, carry the six.
That will be 200 dollars a piece.
What do you think that thing is? [loud hum]
I don't know, but don't touch it. It looks hot.
Maybe it's a light-bulb that fell out of someone's lamp.
Wait. The light's getting dimmer.
[mysterious sound]
It appears to be a tea kettle.
Excuse me?
That's a big pot that they boil water in
when they want to make tea.
You can find them in most stores.
Didn't they teach you anything in school?
I majored in recess, OK?
Hey, maybe this will tell us what this thing is.
[mysterious sound]
[whimpering]
[mysterious sound]
Are those ski pants?
[metallic rattle]
[pig grunting]
Somebody left their pig in the pot.
A pork chop on the lamb.
[mechanical sounds]
[pig grunting]
Sounds like baby talk.
Hey, hold it a minute, pal.
[pig grunting]
He thinks you're his father.
[groans]
[narrator] What a tender moment.
We'd better move on before I start crying.
Why do they keep that guy on? He's too emotional.
Oh well, that's the latest poop from around town.
Except for that object that crashed into the pizza parlor
a few minutes ago.
We think it might be a light-bulb from someone's lamp.
What? It's a potted pig?
Well, it's not the kind of thing you put in the corner and water.
It's got arms and legs, and it thinks Speedy's its father.
Hmm. Well, this could be serious.
Speedy hasn't the patience to be a dad.
This note was attached to the pot.
Hmm? I'll try to decipher it.
Maybe it'll tell us where the thing comes from.
For now, park that peculiar pig in the pizza parlor.
[narrator] Somebody must have looked ahead in the script.
They've already got the pig working as a waiter.
Best service I ever had.
[pig grunting]
[gasps] [crash]
Take it easy, she isn't that good-looking.
I beg your pardon?
I didn't come here to be insulted by a runt like you.
Besides, your friend's much too fat for me.
[pig grunting]
Calm down, you're gonna blow a transistor.
Really. The nerve of some people.
Huh? [pig squeals]
Gee whiz, I guess you don't date much
where you come from, huh?
[upbeat music] [rubbing sound]
That's wonderful.
Where did you learn to rub backs like that?
You know something? I could get accustomed to this.
Being a super-hero isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
You spend all your time fighting the forces of evil.
And what do you have to show for it?
A sore back.
Hmm.
[soft whine]
But I'm not planning to retire.
[chuckles] Hold it.
I can't afford to.
The job doesn't come with a pension.
[narrator] That's right. No pension and no benefits.
In fact, the contract these actors signed
is so miserable, it calls for a severe beating
should they even ask for a raise.
Lord Big Cheese, we did as you ordered.
We went to the producers and demanded a raise in pay.
As you can see
they invoked a clause in the contract
that called for a severe beating.
So we decided you should ask for the money next time.
I'd love to help, but the mortgage is so high
on this temple, I can't afford to be laid up.
[grunts]
Then how about organizing a strike?
If we all went out at the same time
they'd have to deal with us, or production will be stopped.
-Hold on there, you idiots. -Huh?
You seem to forget that we're only two-dimensional drawings.
We can't just walk out on strike.
Why, they could erase us if they want to.
-I say we go back to work. -No way, egg-head.
[chokes]
They'd better settle this before the big fight scene
or we'll never finish this episode.
Look at these clowns.
Is it too late to audition for that Bugs Bunny movie?
You've been working out, haven't you?
[chuckling]
Arm-wrestling with a baby. It's heart-warming.
Wish I had a picture.
[telephone rings] Oh.
Pizza Cats. We deliver.
Oh. Hi, Al Dente. What's up?
Polly, listen. Whatever you do, don't feed that potted pig.
Why?
Because it's some kind of an extra-terrestrial glutton.
According to the note that came with it
it's a bottomless pit.
Once it starts eating, it eats everything in sight.
And I mean everything
until there's nothing left on the planet.
The computer was able to decipher the note
and it's frightening.
It says, "our world was nearly destroyed by this creature."
You see, it was a warning label
from an alien civilization
telling us to beware of that space porker.
We're in danger.
If that pig eats, he'll be in hog heaven
and the earth will be destroyed!
Yes, sir.
Hey, does this smell good or what?
-Huh? -Come on, pal, let's eat.
[ominous music]
[scream]
-Don't do it! -Hmm?
No! Don't let him eat!
[slurping] [ominous music]
Oh no, it's too late!
[shouts]
What's the big deal? We're just having lunch.
Yeah. Enjoy.
That was your last meal.
[electric crackling]
[strange sounds]
What's wrong? Too spicy for you?
[crackling] [grunting]
[pig sounds]
It tasted all right to me.
[flashes] [metallic grunts]
[flashes] [explosion]
[fast-paced music]
[music continues] [pig sounds]
Amen and thanks.
[crash] [both gasp]
[music continues]
-Food inspector? -Don't believe so.
[strange noises] [whimpering]
[bang] [music continues]
Mother, he never said thank you.
You're right.
[narrator] You may have noticed
he didn't wash his hands, either.
In fact, he didn't even use his hands.
This charging chow-hound is a four-footed vacuum cleaner.
[slurping sound] [music continues]
[explosion]
Absolutely nothing's safe.
He's even snorting bonbons from boys on bicycles.
And if that's not enough to scare you
this twisted tornado is tearing up turnips two at a time.
[music continues] [sucking]
He's already eaten half the city.
Shame on you.
What do you have to say for yourself?
[music continues] [metallic snort]
[rocket engine]
[upbeat music] [doors bang]
[fast-paced music] [whoosh]
Ready?
Attention! We are about to launch the Samurai Pizza Cats
on a special mission.
For your own protection
please remain in back of the white line
until blast-off has been completed.
This has been a special report.
Have a nice day!
Kaboom!
[explosion]
[fast-paced music]
So, Mom, do you think they'll be able
to get our dinner back for us?
I doubt it.
[music continues]
If they do, then would you eat your vegetables?
I was hoping they'd only bring back our dessert.
[music continues]
Where is he? We'd better find him soon.
I'm feeling kind of guilty.
Why? Just because you've unleashed a monster
that's consuming every edible item on earth?
You've done worse.
Like the time you used all the mouthwash.
How'd you survive that?
Easy.
I gargled with after-shave.
You don't use after-shave.
Right. But I promise I'll buy you a new bottle next pay-day.
Ha! So that's where my pepperoni cologne went.
Speedy, Guido, look down there. It's the pig!
[ominous music]
Hey, hey!
How's it going, buddy?
[gasps] [whines]
This is just terrible.
Hey, pal. You gotta stop eating right now.
You've got a serious calorie problem.
He ought to start working out.
He's beyond aerobics.
[music continues] [grunting]
[music continues] [mechanical sounds]
[sucking sounds]
Well, so much for the Apple Festival.
[whooshing] [rude laughing]
Uh-oh. The rude noise.
I thought you guys were on strike.
[laughing continues]
And leave you to carry the show?
That would destroy us in the ratings.
[growling]
[laughing]
Too bad, but we're back, and-- [whooshing]
[electronic music]
So, as I was saying
we're back, and you're in for a real beating.
If we want a beating, we'll ask for a raise.
Right now, we've got other problems.
Yeah. Well, then, I guess we'll have to do something
to get your attention. Right?
[together] That's right!
Now, direct from Big Cheese Laboratories
we're pleased to present
[explosion] the Ninja Crowbot!
What? Crowbot?
[derisive laughter]
I knew we'd find some way to recycle
all those aluminum soda pop cans.
You might as well give up now.
This creature's not only indestructible
it's carbonated.
Wow, frightening.
Awful, but give them credit
for being environmentally responsible.
Now we've got us right where you want me.
[slam] [shouts]
OK, let them have it.
[flashes] [screaming]
[flashes] [ominous music]
[frantic panting]
Ah! Time to call up the Golden Catatonic.
[mysterious sounds] [flashes]
[fast-paced music] [flashes]
[music continues] [rumbling]
[roaring] [music continues]
[rocket engines] [music continues]
[flashes] [music continues]
I can't take it. This is too much excitement.
Hold on Speedy, here they come now.
[music continues]
Ready? Attack!
[battle shouts] [crows cawing]
Hey! No fair!
Prepare to capture!
[crows cawing] [music continues]
Way to go!
Yeah!
What a disaster. This is the part of the show
that everyone looks forward to, and now it's heading south!
Hey, come back here, you guys!
Those props cost money!
[gasps] [flash]
[scream fades]
We know. We plan to sell him back to the producers.
[together] That's blackmail!
[grunting]
[impact] [groaning]
[pig snorting] [music continues]
[pig stomping]
[music continues] [whooshing]
[music continues] [pig stomping]
[music continues] [whooshing]
You leave my friend alone!
Too bad, Poncherello face.
He's on your side, he pays the price.
I won't let you hurt him!
And what makes you think you can stop us?
[battle shout] [sword flash]
[impact] [scream]
[impact]
I tried.
[pig snorts]
I gotta tell you, our chances don't look good.
In fact, if I were you
I'd run back to the pizza parlor and hide.
[electronic sounds] [music continues]
But if you stay here with me, you're gonna get creamed.
[narrator] The pigged-out porker ponders the past
and memories of merry moments
parade pleasantly before his mind's eye.
OK, enough of that artsy stuff.
Let's get back to the story.
Uncle Speedy has work to do, piggy
so it's time to say bye-bye.
[music continues] [pig grunting]
Well, how convenient.
We'll take out both of you at once!
Go ahead. Do your worst.
[pig grunting]
[powerful whoosh] Hey!
[screaming] [crash]
When that pig sneezes, it's nothing to sneeze about.
Talk about a blow-hard.
Hey, way to go. You blew him out.
Wow, what a honker you've got.
I'm really proud of you.
Hey, Polly, Guido! You better liberate our armor!
The fighting isn't over yet.
Roger, dodger.
[crows cawing] [grunting]
[panting]
[growls]
Well, here's another nice mess you got me into.
Where's your spirit? Where's your strength?
Are you with me?
[together] Yeah.
[groaning]
All right, prove it!
Hold them off!
[together] OK.
[narrator] Out of nowhere, Polly's heat-seeking heart darts
streak unerringly to their target
and Bad Bird finds himself facing a net loss.
What?
Hey, bring back that armor!
We stole it fair and square.
Too bad!
[growls]
This is the most frustrating job I've ever had.
[together] You said it!
[screaming]
You took us by surprise last time, pork breath.
But now I've got you.
[impact] [grunt]
[mechanical sounds] You're history, Pizza Cats!
What are you, Geography?
[loud impact] [grunting]
They ought to get their money back.
That thing's not very reliable.
Now it's my turn. Attack!
Hold on a minute. I haven't had a chance to fight yet.
What's the matter? Didn't the big TV star
get enough screen-time?
I'm through playing second banana to a big ham.
Bring my armor!
[fast-paced music]
[music continues] [electric sounds]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They make great pizza But that ain't all♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're ready to fight When you need 'em just call♪
♪ They know how to stop crime Just do what they say♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time stay out of their way♪
[laughing]
Oh, I love those cats
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
The heroes who always wear fur
[laughing]
[together] Samurai Pizza power!
OK, we've played around with you long enough.
Besides, it's only minutes left in the show.
En garde!
[fast-paced music continues]
Fire!
[battle cry]
[flashes] [music continues]
[explosion]
[screams]
You haven't seen the last of us.
[music continues]
How was that for a big finish?
[victory shout]
[calm music]
Hey, we got a present for you.
[mechanical stomping] [pig snorting]
[chuckles] [slurping]
[snorting sounds] [music continues]
[narrator] We interrupt this tender moment of gluttony
between a pig and his friend to bring you a reality check.
Here's Al Dente to do the honors.
Speedy, we need to talk.
If you say so, Al. What's up?
We have to send that pig back into space
and we have to do it now.
What? Hey, come on. You're kidding, aren't you?
According to the label, if we stick it back on the pig
he'll be turned to his original size
then we can send him back into space.
We have to do it, and you know we do.
I can't do that. I owe this pig my life.
If I send him back to outer space
he'll be alone, and he'll drift around for centuries.
There must be another way.
I'll grow a garden and feed him myself.
[soft whine]
You know that won't work.
He's really sweet, but the fact is he just eats too much.
It's a hereditary glandular condition.
Guido, back me up, here.
This pig's like my kid brother.
I'll pay for his food. I'll sell my Ginsu Sword.
I'll get a paper route, I'll take in laundry.
I'll mow lawns.
I'm not gonna let you send him back into space.
Give me that. Give me, give me that label, you hear?
Stop it, Speedy. You're not thinking clearly.
Oh yes, I am. Don't make me rough you up.
[strong whooshing]
Hey!
Don't inhale! The label's in there!
Why did you do that?
[electric crackling] [mysterious music]
[crackling continues] [music continues]
Oh.
[flashes] [bang]
[mysterious sound]
[gentle music]
Goodbye. [sniffs]
[muffled] Goodbye, Speedy. I'll never forget you.
[music continues] [mysterious sound]
Bye, pal.
He did a noble thing.
He knew his appetite would
eventually destroy the whole planet.
Goodbye, pig of my heart.
[sobbing] I'll never forget you.
[upbeat music]
[narrator] Well, that didn't take long.
I thought he'd be upset for at least another ten seconds.
Oh, I see.
There's no reason for me to be sad about this.
I have a friend up there who's always watching out for me.
[narrator] And so we slither to the slimy conclusion
of this sickening saga
of syrupy sweet sentimentality.
Another sugary episode like this
and I may have to go on a... diet.
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen
the Samurai Pizza Pad fan club oath!
The Pizza Cats are Samurai
and I'd like to note...
Did their antics take your breath away?
Like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed.
We never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down.
We land upon our feet.
[announcer] So hail to thee, oh Pizza Cat.
Please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink.
We know you'll fight like--
Pizza Cats!
[fast-paced ending music]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ We hope you liked the show♪
♪ It's the best That we could do♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪
♪ If' you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know♪
♪ The Cats will be back For another big show♪
[laughing]
♪ Oh gosh!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪
♪ They're fighting crime♪
Oh yes! ♪ All over town!♪
[laughing]
♪ Oh yeah!♪
♪ Two, four, six eight!♪
♪ Why do we exaggerate?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪
♪ Read all the credits, so You'll know who did the work!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪ [laughing]